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Seriously, do some parenting. It's not my job.

.....................................................................................................Lack of Content Warning.............................................................................................................. I have been tasked with pointing out the blindingly obvious to those readers who have never heard of hyperbole or encountered humor in their day to day lives. The Angry Redneck Liberal is a character. A literary device by which I share my sincere policy views through the persona of a (usually, but not always) loud, profane, extreme and often-times offensive character. No one in their right mind takes his outrageous comments at face value. Rational, intelligent adults accept his schtick as an integral part of what makes him an (occasionally) entertaining read. Sometimes, a shocking statement is necessary to make a point, focus the reader's attention on a preceding point or (more often than not) just to get a cheap laugh. I made the Angry Redneck Liberal for that reason, and he performs his task admirably. I stand by every position I have put forth here. I hope you find it to be both a source of humor and food for thought.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Grover Cleveland?

          I was reading a political opinion piece today which stated that the intellectual forebear to today's Tea Party is none other than Grover Cleveland.  Cleveland, best remembered (if at all) as the only President to serve two non-consecutive terms, has had a bit of a renaissance in recent years among the "small government" crowd for his complete lack of empathy for the populace.

          The story that really sets these sociopaths hearts alight is the one in which Cleveland vetoed a congressional bill which would have provide ten thousand dollars to drought-stricken Texas farmers to purchase seed and include the following gem of a Veto Statement:

                    “Federal aid in such cases encourages the expectation of paternal care on
               the part of the government and weakens the sturdiness of our national character
               while it prevents the indulgence among our people of that kindly sentiment and
               conduct which strengthens the bonds of a common brotherhood.”

          What a charmer.  You see, the problem isn't that you're destitute and in need of assistance due to circumstances beyond your control, it's that your equally-impoverished neighbors are too selfish to pitch in and want you to go begging to the government.  It would be doing you a disservice and be insulting to your neighbors to give you this disaster relief.  How are you going to build up the necessary bonds of community if there is a Federal Government to rely on?  Now, walk it off.

          This sort of bootstrappy "father knows best" bullshit is right up the Tea Partiers' alley.  Never mind that they will draw more out of the system than they will ever pay in.  They labor under the delusion that somehow, somewhere, a poor person is dining on free potted meat and generic saltines on their tax dollars and laughing his hypothetical ass off.  "Ha!  Tax Payers!  Suckers!  Gimme some more of those Vienna Sausages, Loretta!" 

          I've had a"friends" in the past who decry imaginary "Welfare Queens living off their taxes" while doctoring their pay stubs to get more Food Stamps and never paying a cent in federal tax.  When told that their position is ludicrous and their actions illegal and detrimental to the Social Welfare system, they don't have any response except to reiterate their opposition to "Welfare Queens living off their taxes".  I imagine these folks, if not incarcerated by this point, are probably Tea Partiers.  Minus the Welfare fraud, they would seem to be a perfect fit.

          Libertarians, Tea Partiers and serial killers find much that is admirable in Cleveland. Some of their clan say (without irony) that he was the last President to truly embrace a smaller government hand in national affairs and the last 'good' Democrat to hold the office.  His callous refusal to assist the thousands of homeless and starving survivors of a Southeast US hurricane in the summer of 1893 put him on par with Marie Antoinette in the douchebag department and earned him the ire of a Nation.  Tea Partiers and Ayn Rand cultists find this sort of leadership admirable.  Americans find it odious.


  1. The "drought-stricken Texas farmers" storyline reminds me of the modern-day equivalent... Texas Gov. Rick Perry complaining about the lack of federal money to assist in disaster relief for the recent wildfires. Talk about lack of irony...this from the guy who refused all that federal stimulus cash for unemployment compensation, because our economy was just peachy, only to find we're in a budget hole because of it.

  2. Mark Sanford in SC tried that. The legislature rolled over him like he was the Governor of a Southern State embroiled in an extramarital sex scandal.