Lack of Content Warning

This site is not for children. It contains coarse language and humor and complex social and political analysis. If your child reads this blog, then you have a weird kid. Congratulations. We need more weird kids, our Nation's future depends upon them.

Seriously, do some parenting. It's not my job.

.....................................................................................................Lack of Content Warning.............................................................................................................. I have been tasked with pointing out the blindingly obvious to those readers who have never heard of hyperbole or encountered humor in their day to day lives. The Angry Redneck Liberal is a character. A literary device by which I share my sincere policy views through the persona of a (usually, but not always) loud, profane, extreme and often-times offensive character. No one in their right mind takes his outrageous comments at face value. Rational, intelligent adults accept his schtick as an integral part of what makes him an (occasionally) entertaining read. Sometimes, a shocking statement is necessary to make a point, focus the reader's attention on a preceding point or (more often than not) just to get a cheap laugh. I made the Angry Redneck Liberal for that reason, and he performs his task admirably. I stand by every position I have put forth here. I hope you find it to be both a source of humor and food for thought.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Think Progress: What The Fuck Are They Thinking?

          Remember when Falwell and Robertson (cocksuckers) tied 9/11 and Katrina to God's wrath against "Homo-Friendly" New York and New Orleans?  Liberal blog Think Progress has let one of their contributors do the same thing with the rash of tornadoes across the South.

          Think Progress contributor Brad Johnson posted an article titled " Storms Kill Over 250 Americans In States Represented By Climate Pollution Deniers".  In the piece, he informs us that:

          1.  Many people were killed in Alabama, Tennessee, Mississippi, Georgia,
               Virginia, and Kentucky.
          2.  Scientists say that Global Warming and Climate Change affect all weather
               patterns.
          3.  The Congressional Representatives from these states deny the existence
               of climate change.

          That's it.  That's all he says.  The overall impression, however, is that these people are somehow being attacked by the weather for having voted for Climate-Change denying morons.  Is that really what he is trying to say?  I hope not.  I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation for this post, but I doubt it.  Maybe by tomorrow, there will be a back-pedaling, bullshit-slinging, ass-covering statement by Think Progress clarifying that "He didn't mean it that way.  He was just pointing out the irony implicit in the situation and highlighting the hypocrisy implicit in politics versus day-to-day reality."  It'll probably be delivered via a taped statement by some guy that sounds like Chester Bottomtooth from "Family Guy", too.  I don't buy it.  You said a fucked-up thing and you need to man the fuck up and admit to it.

          People are always making life more difficult than it should be.  All you really have to do in life (in most cases, I mean.  I'm not talkin Dahmer or Gacy shit, here) is admit, apologize and not do that shit again.  "Hey man.  Sorry I fucked your girlfriend.  It won't happen again.  Could you take your boot outta my ass, now?"  Oh, did I not mention the ass-whipping?  Sorry, it slipped my mind.  Yes.  Someone (preferably a grieving parent who desperately needs to beat the shit out of something, anything to get some kind of cathartic release) needs to beat the shit out of you.  Several times.  As a matter of fact, you need to go on a twenty-city "Beat My Loudmouth, No-Thinking, I Swear-To-God-I-Was-Just-Trying-To-Make-A-Point-About-Republican-Stupidity, Please-Stop-Stomping-My-Nutsack!!!" tour of the South.  It'll be hard, but you'll heal.  Hell, let the dumb motherfuckers that let your ignorant ass post that in the first place come along.  There's plenty of ass-whipping to go around.  You can do it "Tag-Team" style and comment on the irony of being a part of a professional wrestling-themed public attrition tour while being firmly on the side of professional wrestling denial while you recover on the bus between gigs.  "Oh, the irony!  It made my spleen rupture!"

         I guess what I am trying to say is "Fuck All Y'all!"  I have used and enjoyed your website for many years and it is one of my go-to sources for liberal stuff.  Think I'll be taking a break for awhile.  I've got my own shit to work on here, anyhow.  Good luck over the next week or ten.  Every right-leaning (and if I'm any indication, left-leaning, as well)  media outlet is gonna fuck you up one side and down the other.  You deserve it, ya fuckin' douchebags.  Have you ever been watching Fox (not)News and wanted to reach through the TV and strangle whatever ignorant motherfucker they caught on tape saying something incredibly stupid and insensitive while claiming to represent the same ideals you espouse?  You're that guy.  Thanks a lot, dickheads.

Tim

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