Lack of Content Warning

This site is not for children. It contains coarse language and humor and complex social and political analysis. If your child reads this blog, then you have a weird kid. Congratulations. We need more weird kids, our Nation's future depends upon them.

Seriously, do some parenting. It's not my job.

.....................................................................................................Lack of Content Warning.............................................................................................................. I have been tasked with pointing out the blindingly obvious to those readers who have never heard of hyperbole or encountered humor in their day to day lives. The Angry Redneck Liberal is a character. A literary device by which I share my sincere policy views through the persona of a (usually, but not always) loud, profane, extreme and often-times offensive character. No one in their right mind takes his outrageous comments at face value. Rational, intelligent adults accept his schtick as an integral part of what makes him an (occasionally) entertaining read. Sometimes, a shocking statement is necessary to make a point, focus the reader's attention on a preceding point or (more often than not) just to get a cheap laugh. I made the Angry Redneck Liberal for that reason, and he performs his task admirably. I stand by every position I have put forth here. I hope you find it to be both a source of humor and food for thought.

Monday, October 17, 2011

There is no "Fun" in Fundraising

          Sorry I haven't been posting rants at my usual pace. My Congressional Campaign has sapped my will to be angry. Well, not so much my will to be angry so much as my will to write about it. I promise to do better in the future. Surely if I can find the time to go through every friend's post for the past 12 hours since my last Facebook visit, I can find the time for a solipsistic exercise in self-aggrandizement on here.

          For the past month and a half, I have been officially running to secure the Democratic Party's nomination to challenge the excreted lump of organic matter know as North Carolina's 10th District Representative, Patrick McHenry. In that time, I have learned a valuable lesson: Almost no one that hates Mr. McHenry's job performance is interested in donating money to see him defeated. I've tried jokes, pleas, reason, logic, veiled threats, offers of a sexual nature... nothing seems to work. With a few notable exceptions, I cannot convince the people I "know" on the Internet to part with so much as a dollar. It seems like it would be a slam dunk. I've got the narrative:

          "Mr. Murphy, a former teacher and businessman from Rutherfordton, is the very definition of a "political outsider". Raised the youngest of seven children in a poor family of farm laborers, he knows first-hand the pains of hunger and the importance of welfare programs. As an uninsured "independent contractor" (Mr. Murphy delivers the local newspaper to rural customers each morning. A job which cost him his car in an early-morning crash recently) earning less than minimum wage, Mr. Murphy knows the value of health coverage for all and the need for job opportunities which offer the basic protections and perks of actual employment, like Social Security and Medicare contributions, Worker's Compensation and Unemployment Insurance and OSHA and Labor Board protections. As a person who has been too busy working (often two jobs) every waking hour of his adult life, Mr. Murphy knows that the vast majority of otherwise-qualified candidates for public office haven't had the luxury of being involved with their local political machine for their entire adult lives. Mr. Murphy understands that he is a long shot, but he wants you to understand that he is your best shot."

          And I've got the drive. What I don't have is the cash to let folks know about me. What am I doing about it? Well, I'm taking Samuel L Jackson's advice to Bruce Willis in "Unbreakable": I'm going where the people are. A Town Festival? "Howdy, Ma'am! Timothy Murphy, Candidate for the Democratic nomination for US House here in District 10!" A fair? "Those lard-wrapped lard sticks deep-fried in real lard smell delicious!! By the way, I'm Timothy Murphy, Candidate for the Democratic nomination for US House here in District 10!" Funeral? "He was a good man. A loving husband and a caring father. A man concerned about the future of this nation, and he were still here with us, he would (and would encourage you to) contribute to my campaign and vote for me, Timothy Murphy, Candidate for the Democratic nomination for US House here in District 10!"

          What? Oh, no. I wasn't being funny. That's what a no-name guy's gotta do. I can't even get a mention in the newspaper I deliver every day. Ya know what our front page was on Sunday? A 13 year-old Michael Jackson impersonator. I bet that really pissed off the person with the biggest gourd at the Fair.

          I just realized the hold that fame has on the Public's attention. If any national news or entertainment outlet covered my campaign, the coffers would overflow and the local media would come running. That’s just the way it is. The majority of folks that contribute to campaigns have little direct interest in the race, because it doesn't actually directly impact them, they just want to "do their part" to help a big, exciting campaign. That's just human nature. There's no impact to saying, "I gave 10 dollars to the local challenger for the nomination to attempt to unseat the incumbent" The usual response to that statement at a party? "So what?", or (if Christian Bale's your conversational partner) "Oh...Good for YOU!!!!" It just doesn't hold the cache that saying, "I gave 200 dollars to Elizabeth Warren's campaign. Remember her? She was the lady from the Consumer Protection Agency that Patrick McHenry was so rude to last spring. Yes, that lady! I couldn't stand the way he spoke to her, so I'm going to donate to her campaign for Senator of Massachusetts. That should send a message to that McHenry person from North Carolina! I wonder if he's going to face a decent Democratic challenger this time? Probably not. I haven't heard of anyone on the national media broadcasts.  For all I know, he's probably running unopposed..."

          No, he isn't. I'm not on TV or in the papers, but I'm out there. My only hope is to keep on keepin' on. If I survive the Primary (and Lord, do I hope to... the other candidate doesn't share very many views with the Party. I may be too liberal for them, but he sounds like the Republican incumbent, to me), I pray the money MAY find it's way to me. If it doesn't, it won't stop me from doing the most I can to get as many folks as possible to support me in November. Maybe all the fame of being an asshole to Elizabeth Warren will translate into the populace being angry enough at McHenry to vote for the guy with the "D" by his name that they haven't heard of. Hell, every time I ever voted for the Democratic candidate in North Carolina's District 10 (before I decided to get married and move 5 miles south into District 11), I'd never heard of them, either...

Vote Angry, Vote Redneck, Vote Liberal

Tim